IDEAS: When my peer wrote “This simple act that was captured by a photographer is something so that I find to be extremely beautiful. I feel like some people might just overlook this image, but to me the fact that this soldier who is most likely in a war zone living in not the best circumstances took the time to just be human  and share his water with a thirsty little boy.” I commented “I also think you could tie this back to your thesis and explain why this type of beauty makes it so hard to define”.

EVIDENCE: When my peer wrote “When you hear a song like the one Aaron and Stephan played called “Boy” you can feel the emotion in the singer’s voice and how much he feels the words that he is saying and this emotion with in his words is what makes the song beautiful.” I commented “Nice connection to a presentation. I think you could expand on it a little bit–maybe include some lyrics or a clip of the song to support your argument”.

ORGANIZATION: When my peer wrote “This simple act that was captured by a photographer is something so that I find to be extremely beautiful. I feel like some people might just overlook this image, but to me the fact that this soldier who is most likely in a war zone living in not the best circumstances took the time to just be human  and share his water with a thirsty little boy.” near the end of their draft, I commented “You could expand on this idea and have an entire paragraph about the beauty of kindness/selflessness that would flow well here”.

LOCAL: When my peer wrote “Yet if you drop the “iful”  off the end of beautiful and replace it with a “y” ,the content of the images changes drastically .” on the first page of their paper, I commented “I think you could change the wording in this sentence to make it flow a little better”.

 

A Peer’s Paper

(my comments are the pinkish color)